Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
