I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
someone owes me an orgasm
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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