Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
