How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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