I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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