I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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