He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
