fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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