We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize