We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
