So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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