i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
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