yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
