Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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