If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize