Whats the glycemic index on semen?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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