I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
