No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize