It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
