Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
