My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
