You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
