im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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