Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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