we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
