I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
