What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
the liver wants what the liver wants
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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