So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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