you would pick up someone in the library
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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