We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
