Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
