it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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