hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Drake has all the answers
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
