honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize