It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
