The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
