oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
