so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
