I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
