i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
