I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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