Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
