I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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