Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
