it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
