where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize