i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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