halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
