I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize