Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
