I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
