Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
