you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
