btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
