i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Someone came in the potted fern
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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