I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
