How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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