i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
