I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
The ass gains better be worth it
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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