She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
