My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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