I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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