my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize