so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
