no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
