I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm getting married
To pizza
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
